I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
