i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
