this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why are your pants in the freezer?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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