Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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