It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Your cock deserves a montage
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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