Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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