worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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