and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
