she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
