the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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