I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
