There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
