I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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