I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
