You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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