Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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