nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
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Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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