I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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