I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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