Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
