Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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