We need to rekindle our bromance
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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