Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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