I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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