is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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