I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
