Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
