Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
