I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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