I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
