Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
