I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
