We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
