I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
