Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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