When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
