she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
