my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
