THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
