It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize