I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
