belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
