You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
