I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
