i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
