Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
