Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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