toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize
