May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
