I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
