Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
