We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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