I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
