I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
