how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
