dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
