im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
