Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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