You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
