Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
