Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
