All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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