You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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