do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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