She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
