Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize