Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
