yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My vagina just clenched in fear
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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