I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
