White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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