lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
