wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
