So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
