Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
