Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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